52 sundays; march 6, 2011

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by Debra on March 6, 2011

Musical pairing – Marry Me by Train

I’m breaking from my traditional 52 Sunday posts today as you’ll notice that (a) this post has music (it’s a beautiful piece, I hope you’ll listen!), and (b) I’m going to write a bit more than I usually do for these type of posts; but I have a good reason and if you stay with me for a moment you’ll understand why . . .

13 years ago today was a day I didn’t think would ever be possible for someone like me . . . a high-school drop-out, I had been a single mom for many years raising two sons; I had been married and divorced by the time I was 19 years old, and I was also someone who had been to hell and back on the road to discovering who she really was – someone with secret hopes and dreams that had been tucked away as if they were placed in a heart-shaped locket and hidden deep inside a well that had run dry.

Outwardly I spoke the words, ‘I’m not interested in getting married again’. . . but at the end of the day, when my bedroom door was closed and I was lying alone beneath a cloak of suffocating darkness, I would beg my God to not let me leave this earth having only known the violence of an ex-husband. I prayed that I would be a partner to someone who could share my secret hopes and dreams . . . someone who would value my opinions . . . someone I could trust my heart with . . . would there be someone to really loved me . . . would there ever be someone to cherish me . . .

I’ve mentioned before that the running joke in the family is that The Professor and I didn’t date . . . that being inseparable wasn’t defined as ‘dating’.  We had ‘the talk’ where we both expressed being perfectly fine being single, thank-you-very-much and that neither of us was interested in anything other than friendship. And we had meant those words. Yet somewhere in those two months, like the ground following an earthquake, my heart had shifted and suddenly I realized that I loved The Professor and I desperately, desperately wanted him to feel the same way.

Valentine’s Day, 1998, I decided to risk saying the words ‘I love you’ . . . my heart pounding loudly in my ears, my voice shaking, my legs about to buckle underneath me, I waited . . . deep breath . . . his arms gathered me into his and he said, ‘I love you too’ . . . then The Professor handed me an envelope. Inside was a CD with a song he had written and recorded for me titled, ‘I Dance In Your Arms.’ I played the song hundreds of times over and over again between Valentine’s Day and my birthday a week later; then February 24th, The Professor asked me to marry him . . . and 10 days later that song played through the speakers of the small little chapel as we both wept; I slipped a ring on his finger with ‘I Dance In Your Arms, 3-6-98 Love, Debra’ inscribed inside his plain silver band.  It was the last time that song has been played publicly . . . maybe someday, but right now it’s still too personal to share.

For my birthday this year, I received this necklace that he had ordered from Lisa Leonard Designs . . . yes, I sobbed . . . but I have a grateful, grateful heart because 13 years ago today, I married my best friend, my soul mate . . . Happy Anniversary Professor . . . I will dance in your arms forever . . .